If you don't want it, you won't get it

So I didn't do anything last night. I felt tired. In fact, that's how I feel pretty much every night. My brain, while not completely shutting down, slows down enough that thinking about stuff becomes harder. Mental images are blurry, thoughts are hazy. To those of you that are successful starting businesses and products at night, I salute you! You guys have overcome sleep, relying on sheer discipline to get you through and get over obstacles while still having families and day jobs. You come back home from work and start another eight hours of work on your product. I say bravo to you! And boo to me...

But I'm getting tired of being so hard on myself. After all, if you can't blame fat people for their lack of willpower (hint: being fat has nothing to do with willpower,) then maybe, just maybe I can't be blamed for my lack of it when it comes to doing something worthwhile with my spare time. Maybe I just don't want it that bad. I mean, I do! But maybe not badly enough.

"How badly do you want this?" I could hear on TV when Jillian was trying to motivate one of the sweating contestants on the Biggest Loser with fat dangling from their arms. How badly, indeed! You really need to want it to go through the kick-ass workout regimen these people are going through.

So how bad do I want this? How often will I want it just enough to get started on a project, only to abandon ship two weeks later out of sheer boredom or tiredness? I must not want it bad enough. Or is there another reason? Is it psychological? I've never liked working... Maybe if I got paid faster for my efforts I'd be motivated to keep going?

Hmmm... Well, that's a thought I need to analyze a bit further. In the meantime, I'll keep focusing on getting enough sleep at night and learning Common Lisp. I at least did one of them right last night!